Goal 3

The Peace Corps has three goals for its overseas mission. The primary goal in most people's minds is to provide skilled volunteers to developing areas of the world to lend a hand in trying to build up local capacity. Another major goal is more diplomatic: trying to raise awareness about the diversity and goodness--generosity, kindness, willing to sacrifice--of Americans, via the volunteer as a representative of the states. Officially, it is "to promote a better understanding of Americans on the part of the peoples served." You're welcome, stateside Americans.

The third goal is to promote a better understanding of other peoples on the part of Americans. Peace Corps encourages this by moving us into homes and families in the areas we serve, and recommending our participation in community events that are cultural in nature, like weddings, funerals, and other common social get-togethers which may differ in the details from our side to this side. Peace Corps also encourages our host families and supervisors to invite us to events so that we can learn from each other culturally as well as professionally.

In theory this all might sound like fun and games--and it certainly did for me, coming from stateside and having enjoyed the cultural aspects of leisure travel in the past--but in practice I am sorry to say it is often a handful. These are, after all, cultural differences we are talking about and planning to explore here. Such as differing gender roles. Differing views of and relationships with alcohol and drugs. Things can get hectic fast for volunteers placed in rural areas unlike any place they have ever been before, with people drinking heavily, treating females differently and having different expectations of how females are supposed to act, and so on. For example, school or community leaders drinking heavily before driving you home after a planned school event or community event is not uncommon, however undesirable it is both to Peace Corps and to the volunteer who strive to culturally integrate while not taking safety risks.

On the more mundane side of things, sometimes it is not fun to try to integrate, because it is exhausting. Remember that foreign exchange student, or foreign graduate student, or other foreign person you knew around town? Remember how sometimes he or she was a little bit reserved (a stereotype, perhaps, as I certainly can also think of many "foreign" friends I have had who were great at integrating in the states, but nonetheless...)? It is tiring to not know what you are doing! On a daily basis! Almost every time you leave the house! Most of the time when Tim and I are not actively following people around and asking them what they are doing and what is going to happen next, we are confused! In this situation, the only thing you can do short of integrating better (which is not always easy) is to mellow out a little bit. Fortunately where we are now, people will live and let live, especially with us foreigners. As we gave the exchange student/foreign grad student some slack regarding everyday social competencies, we are also given slack every day, and we are fortunate we can be ourselves without risk of offense or being seen as complete morons (well, on the other hand, a certain ignorance is assumed, which can sometimes be annoying, but overall it's a good deal to be treated like you are a little slow).

Sometimes leaving the house can feel like a chore in this context. In fact, I feel obligated to socialize even when I don't want to, because my reason for not wanting to is sheer laziness. It isn't ordinary sheer laziness, but the laziness you have when everyday acts are social "events." It's enough to make some volunteers hermits.

All of this is a very long lead-up to why I'm sharing our day today with you all online. Today was a good day for cultural integration.

Yesterday one of my counterparts invited Tim and I to participate in a cultural event hosted by his family in a nearby village. They slaughtered a cow yesterday, and had a thanksgiving event today. Our only concern/excuse was that we needed to do grocery shopping either yesterday or today. Sunday it can be hard to get to and from town without hitch hiking. We left school yesterday (Friday) without making any plans, and we weren't sure if we would hear from him again or not. But we knew he had our number. We find ourselves giving out our phone numbers constantly here, to people we've just met. Though everyone seems to want to arrange an event and tells us they will call, rarely do people call. It seems to be customary here that once someone invites you over, you call to make the arrangements or re-invite yourself over. We don't have it all figured out. If we were lonelier, we would have people to call, and we would feel free to invite ourselves out with them. Often we are shamefully lazy in the way I've just mentioned, even when awesome people invite us to do awesome things (and then there is also the American expectation that the host arrange everything and call you, rather than the expectation that seems common here that you start "harassing" someone as soon as they make what you might perceive, as an American, as an offhand/open-ended/nonchalant invitation).

Today Sakhile called us, and we had done our grocery shopping yesterday, so we were free today. Not having our own transport is another factor that makes us lazy in all of this. But in this case he offered to pick us up from town, drive us back, and informed us that today we would be part of a program before having a lunch, and then get home sometime thereafter. Why not?

We got to town around 9:30, and he picked us up as agreed upon. He lives about 10K a different direction. When we arrived the family was there (he has 9 brothers, from 2 mothers in a polygamous relationship with 1 father). He served Tim some meat from the cow, and we chatted with a few brothers about polygamy back in the day, their travels in the United States, and our work in South Africa.

About an hour after we arrived, the program began. We all sat under a large tent (I associate it with the circus, but it's just a tent to offer some shade), with plastic chairs and a sound system with microphones and a keyboard. The event starting with singing and some relaxed dancing, and then several speeches in isiZulu (we don't know isiZulu). This took about 3 or 4 hours under the hot sun. Sure, we were in the shade, but not moving, and not knowing what people are saying, in 90+ degrees is tough. It used to be tougher for us, but South Africans seem a little better at patience than Americans. There is a slower pace of life.

In events like these, we stand out as distinguished guests, which used to worry me. Even among Afrikaners in events we are mentioned and recognized as distinguished guests, which can be a little embarrassing, but I guess not every event is attended by Americans here in South Africa.

We were sad to not see Sakhile, my counterpart, participating more. As the youngest brother he has responsibilities to his family that no other brothers have, and since he is the only unmarried one, he was also prohibited from dancing with his brothers.

There was also some cultural dancing by some local area youth, some in animal furs dancing in the hot sun. A fantastic meal was then served, and Tim and I were among the first served, partly because Sakhile was worried I wouldn't have enough to eat, although half a dozen fantastic salads were served, including a traditional green salad, a salsa-type mix, potato salad, slaw, mashed butternut squash, beets, and a yummy carrot-and-bean curry. I hate to not eat meat at such events (though I continue to not eat meat), because it's socially awkward, and in this situation I was also weary of the fact that men are usually served before women (and children). However, I also felt fortunate to be thought of as a foreign guest, and have also experienced not having enough to eat at such events, so I accepted the offer of being among the first served as graciously as I could.

A few fellow educators began to show up as we started eating, and while I was happy to see them I was also weary of the fact that the day was progressing rapidly while Sakhile was busy with family matters and we were far from home (well, far from home, without transport). When we saw that one educator was leaving after finishing his food, and discovered he was headed in our direction, we invited ourselves along with him. Though Sakhile said he could take us home, we saw that he was so immersed in serving others the whole time that we were there, that we didn't want to cause him stress, though it was impossible to say when or if he would finish with his responsibilities and join the party (we didn't even see him eat, we just saw him serving others).

Though he had left briefly to run an errand at that time, I called to let him know we were going with another educator back to town, and I thanked him for thinking of us.

Mthethwa, the educator we went back with, seemed reluctant to take us, but we sort of forced ourselves on him when we discovered he was going our way and had space in his car, because one can get tired and want to go home quickly once one starts to get that feeling in rural South Africa, as an American (in our experience). We discovered his clutch was not in great shape, though he felt compelled to take us with him, and he took us to the very scenic dam wall, where he and some educators were going to have a few beers.

At that point Tim and I could have asked to be taken to town to get a taxi home, or to our home specifically, if we felt like we were in a bad situation. But we did not. While in many contexts with alcohol in South Africa drinking is heavy and people are wasted and embarrassing (and really excited to talk to the Americans), Mthethwa's friends were really cool. All fellow educators, no one was drinking to get drunk, and people were neither overly concerned with or interested in Tim or I (which can stress us out), nor avoiding us in the small group. It was a friendly and mature group.

I was the only woman there, which is what I have come to expect. Most women have children shortly after finishing high school in the rural South African environment, and then are more socially conservative, staying home. As Mthethwa explained to us, even his girlfriend was at home today, and they have challenges every weekend when Mthethwa wants to go out and grab a few beers with his friends, since she does not really approve of drinking and prefers to stay at home. However, I often feel like an honorary man in these contexts. I am treated with respect, as a married woman (and in front of my husband), but I am also treated in a friendly way, since I am out drinking with the guys. It's not a bad place to be, though sometimes I would like some more female friends. The whole situation has Tim and I feeling like 18 year-olds hanging out with 21 year-olds back in the states, as we are sort of helpless and dependent on others' maturity and kindness to some extent, while also trying to feel out whether the situation is safe or unsafe, deviant or tolerable, according to both U.S. and South African standards. Luckily, we felt relaxed and at home in this situation, and happy to be in a mellow, light-hearted, pleasant environment as the day began to cool down.

We were not far from our home at the dam wall, and as soon as we asked to be taken home (after 1 or 2 beers), we were taken by Mthethwa (though we asked him to just drop us at the side of the road to our village, since we felt bad that we had forced him to drive us with his bad clutch). Today was a bit tiring, but not bad at all. People made us feel at home as the only white people or Americans around for miles, and welcomed us as fellows, and fortunately differences were not so stark that we were troubled in any way, such as by patriarchal rules, anti-vegetarian norms, weird gender expectations, insanely drunk people, etc. Today was a successful day with cultural integration.